Finding God in the Dark
by Melissa Tingwald-Alvarez
With my husband off to work and my kids on the school bus, I sipped my morning coffee in the quiet of my living room before heading off to work. Then. It. Hit. Me. Grief, sadness, depression - overwhelmed by life’s circumstances. I felt a darkness engulf me. I sank down on the hardwood floor and cried. I could not put my thoughts into words to form a prayer. Where was this coming from?
Then I realized I felt abandoned by my heavenly father. Where was the miracle that I desperately needed? Why was my family going through such heartache? But, as those questions flooded my mind, God began to work. I opened my Bible and began to read of Jesus’ suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane and then read on to the account of the cross. God showed me His love. Jesus, on the cross, cried out “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Matthew testifies to these last words of Jesus as he died there, a sinless, perfect man. I echoed Jesus’ words.
As quickly as God reminded me of Jesus’ sorrow, he took me to Matthew 27: 51, “At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split.” Even in such sorrow and disbelief, God was doing a great work. Because of that great work, we no longer look to a priest to take our requests to God, but through the torn curtain, we have unlimited access to our heavenly father. That moment changed everything for mankind.
God began to encourage my trust - that even as I am sad, He is still working. In that moment, on the floor, I found God more real than ever. Perhaps, He is doing His greatest work in my life as I walk through the toughest time in my life. In the darkness, God is moving. I had found God in my darkest moments. Just as God tore the veil in complete darkness, He is moving like never before in my life.
God, I trust that even in pain and darkness, You are good and are always working for us.